…or at least a dream job for now? I mean, if I had to work for someone else and all things being equal (money, support, success, how much I liked working there) what kind of work would I like to do? I think it would be working as a multimedia developer and Flash designer for an educational media company. Think Scholastic or Encyclopedia Britannica’s online stuff for kids or brainpop.com. Problem is, the market it obviously very tight and I have very little in my portfolio that would help me get the job.

I need to add some animation and illustration work to the portfolio. Also, I think it would be a good idea to start a database of all the companies “out there.” I am limited as to where I can apply because Mark needs to be in either Houston, NYC or Chicago for his job.

Since I don’t have a degree, it probably wouldn’t hurt to get an ACE certification in either Flash or Photoshop. That’s a big one, because I’ve always sucked at standardized tests.

Isn’t that the theme of my life? I seem to be a generator of ideas but ultimately lack the energy, motivation or wherewithal to make it happen. I think I get overwhelmed by all the possibilities and all the steps. Then I get distracted and start focusing on something else. My mind racing a hundred miles a minute. So it is constantly coming up with new ideas and “what ifs” but lacking the ability to actual figure out HOW to do it!! I’m sure I’m not the only creative person with this problem.

The other problem I have is that I can see the validity and possible success in each idea and each path. Again, I don’t have time to pursue them all…at least not all at once. So I end up running in circles trying to figure out which one, ultimately choosing none of them.

Finally, a big problem I have is fear of failure. Again, not alone in this department. I can see potential in almost all of my ideas, but can just as easily see – or should I say eventually see – the sure possibility of failure. Maybe that is why I keep jumping around from idea to idea. I think of something, get excited about it and see its potential…see it potential for total failure as well and then jump to the next idea. Maybe its not quite like that. But its just as tiring whatever form it takes.

I’ve already made a list a few days ago, but I’ll make another one – just in case there are some deletions that are needed or perhaps some needed additions.

• Children’s book author/illustrator
• Digital Artist working on commissioned portraits
• Freelance digital illustrator
• Freelance web designer, multimedia developer, illustrator and graphic designer
• Multimedia/Flash developer working for an educational publisher
• eLearning developer specializing in online courses
• Online business

I’m not certain what my “dream job” is. Not yet anyway. It’s not that I don’t have any ideas on the subject; it’s that I have TOO many ideas. I am all over the place as to what I want to do with my life and my career. Let’s list some of them:

• Instructional Designer (but working in a more creative environment)
• Illustrator
• Web Designer
• Multimedia Developer
• Develop some sort of technology teacher curriculum site
• Be a consultant to schools and school districts, mainly concerning Web 2.0 stuff
• Children’s book author/illustrator
• Create collages and jewelry and sell them; and teach at craft shows and even online
• Create digitally enhanced/created commissioned portraits

See what I mean? And those are only the one’s I will admit to in writing – on a public blog.