So, did I mention that I’ve written a children’s book? I’ve actually written a couple of children’s books; and they have sat on my shelves, waiting to be illustrated for years. Now I’m certain to be prejudice, but I actually think they are good. I’ve even considered submitting them to a publisher un-illustrated since it was the illustrating part that has held me hostage for so long. But in the end, I want to be the one who does that. I don’t want to hand it over to someone else. This is about more than just making money. Albeit getting a publisher to want to publish a children’s book by an unknown author is only slightly more difficult than trying to get it published by an unknown author and illustrator.

But hell…it’s my book. I’ll illustrate it if I want to. So then, WHY DON’T I DO IT??

Remember that problem I have with too many ideas converging all at once in my brain? Well I have the same problem pretty much when trying to make up my mind about a lot of things. What style should I illustrate? Is my style appropriate for a children’s book? Should I illustrate it digitally like I want to? Or go with the more traditional media? Blah blah blah.

So I’ve actually come to a decision. I have decided the style I want to illustrate the book in and am starting to collect the needed photographs to make it happen. This weekend my significant other and I will be going around to a couple of parks and hiking trails to take some photos…he’s a very good photographer and has a very nice camera…..and is a very nice guy in that he wants to help me out by taking some photos. I love him very much for lots of good reasons.

So baby steps here. I’ve got the list of photos I need and a list of places I think we can find them.

Isn’t that the theme of my life? I seem to be a generator of ideas but ultimately lack the energy, motivation or wherewithal to make it happen. I think I get overwhelmed by all the possibilities and all the steps. Then I get distracted and start focusing on something else. My mind racing a hundred miles a minute. So it is constantly coming up with new ideas and “what ifs” but lacking the ability to actual figure out HOW to do it!! I’m sure I’m not the only creative person with this problem.

The other problem I have is that I can see the validity and possible success in each idea and each path. Again, I don’t have time to pursue them all…at least not all at once. So I end up running in circles trying to figure out which one, ultimately choosing none of them.

Finally, a big problem I have is fear of failure. Again, not alone in this department. I can see potential in almost all of my ideas, but can just as easily see – or should I say eventually see – the sure possibility of failure. Maybe that is why I keep jumping around from idea to idea. I think of something, get excited about it and see its potential…see it potential for total failure as well and then jump to the next idea. Maybe its not quite like that. But its just as tiring whatever form it takes.

I’ve already made a list a few days ago, but I’ll make another one – just in case there are some deletions that are needed or perhaps some needed additions.

• Children’s book author/illustrator
• Digital Artist working on commissioned portraits
• Freelance digital illustrator
• Freelance web designer, multimedia developer, illustrator and graphic designer
• Multimedia/Flash developer working for an educational publisher
• eLearning developer specializing in online courses
• Online business

I’m not certain what my “dream job” is. Not yet anyway. It’s not that I don’t have any ideas on the subject; it’s that I have TOO many ideas. I am all over the place as to what I want to do with my life and my career. Let’s list some of them:

• Instructional Designer (but working in a more creative environment)
• Illustrator
• Web Designer
• Multimedia Developer
• Develop some sort of technology teacher curriculum site
• Be a consultant to schools and school districts, mainly concerning Web 2.0 stuff
• Children’s book author/illustrator
• Create collages and jewelry and sell them; and teach at craft shows and even online
• Create digitally enhanced/created commissioned portraits

See what I mean? And those are only the one’s I will admit to in writing – on a public blog.